Wrong Feelings Wrong Places
I read this work of genius today,
and on my interest in this piece, proceeded to read other pieces by Sacha, including this one:
at the same time as I was reading these, a friend sent me this classic Bob Ross pastiche video:
I interacted with all of these while accompanying someone getting an MRI at a hospital.
The juxtaposition of content and environment was, high. I walked around a little bit; big noninvasive cardiology and imaging wing, lots of hallways, fluorescent lights, kind of dumb, reading kind of dumb works of genius. Forcing myself not to giggle too loudly
What I enjoyed most about this was this second piece, “Instead of Gratitude Meditation Consider Seething” is about getting in touch with your feelings of wantings things even if the thing you want is dumb or illogical, because that feeling of true want aligns in you a really important way.
And then that first piece about poképhilia is an example of exploring what one such desire might be for some people. The story is an isomorphism with any fetish, and “Instead of Gratitude Meditation Consider Seething” suggests that the pure want behind a fetish is worth taking seriously and thinking about (even though some fetishes can be artificially created or destroyed through Pavlovian means).
And so having the wrong feelings about these articles (ebullience) in the wrong place (hospital) did make me feel like I was extra tapping into the intended instinct.
I am familiar with practices (like mindfulness) that teach you that there are no wrong feelings. The feelings that mindfulness usually interacts with in the training materials are feelings like anxiety, panic, worry, hatred, anger — feelings that are kind of floaty and temporary. Something like a forbidden sexual fetish usually is not floating by like a cloud, for you to put aside so that you can feel your more permanent self. Something about fetishes seems like it is more ingrained in your self.
And so enjoying the thrusty language of this work in a place where I am not supposed to be reading them or enjoying it put me in a headspace where my own feelings became more potent by contrast. I can “witness” my own self-consciousness and shame in a way that mindfulness probably intends, but the spacial reality makes possible to actually do.
I would encourage people (and myself) to do this more, going into places and feeling things that you don’t feel allowed to feel there. Like fucking in a church, but fucking in a church may actually not mean that much to a lot of people given how much of a trope it is.
It is odd, for me to write this stuff, knowing it would appear on a specific dashboard. That also feels wrong feelings, wrong place.