DESIRE SMUGGLING
Coined by Marcia Baczynski, desire smuggling refers to any technique that you employ to try to get what you want, because you feel you cannot ask for what you want. This includes a broad range of activities such as doing a nice thing for another person, hoping that they will do the nice thing back, or starting a group house chore schedule just so that the one guy starts putting his clothes in the hamper. Any activity that is designed to try to get the thing you want, without outright asking for it of the person, either due to conflict avoidance or guilt for wanting it, counts as desire smuggling.
This term is a central concept in Marcia’s Asking for what you want course. The course goes into a detailed description of ways people smuggle desire, and a central aim of the course is to help people find better, more direct, and more fulfilling ways to identify and get what they want.