The First Day I Cannot Write
Today is the first day since November 1 that I do not feel I can write. It is February 15. I have had sick days, but I had been able to write.
Today I cannot really write. I almost forgot about this blogpost that I have to write to before midnight pacific time.
I don’t mean “uninspired” I mean nauseous.
(Many posts of these have been written, before 3am Eastern time, which has been easier, can have a very social and late day, and come back and write something.)
What to write about.
Computer queasiness. You get anxious on a zoom call not because of what anyone is saying or doing, but because you are queasy about something to do with your computer. The battery is running low and you do not know if you will make it to the end of the call, but leaving will be rude, so your face looks like you swallowed an entire squash. Your colleague on the other end do not know if what they are saying sounds stupid.
Plates: The cost of fine china is usually not very high compared to many people’s incomes. There is no purpose mot to use the fine china. A lot of what people call “fine china” really isn’t. People should just upgrade their plates.
What else
Those small yoga blocks. They are useful to have in the house. They can be used as yoga blocks. They also can be used to elevate your laptop, when you are practicing guitar.
What else. There has only ever been one time when somebody potentially left something in my house and it has not been retrieved. It was a phone charger. Across several moves, I have not found it. But also I am not sure if I myself would know if I saw a charger that was not mine. I like to believe I would, but I am not sure. This confuses me. There has also been exactly one time when something appeared my house, and I have no idea where it came from. It was a red argyle sweater. It fit me.
What else.
Somebody else liked the painting of mine that everyone likes. It feels good every time. My art teacher liked it, but also said I made a decision I was really happy with ruined the painting, and there was contemplation of cutting off part of the painting. I did not do this because I liked the painting. So do other people. Redemption.
Interesting video game - Carrion - you ARE the cosmic horror escaping a lab, like the horror movie theme in which people have to prevent the creature in the lab from escaping
What else.
I have felt existentially very confused after finishing with my spreadsheet of my book, and porting all the notes over. I have been actually sick and also have been rather manic. I stayed up until 4am last night working.
Yesterday, I wrote a blog post that was relevant to the book, and ported that over too. The original title was “why-you-should-maxx-your-appearance-every-month” and then I changed it to “The Existentialist’s Guide to Looksmaxxing.” That will be a big effortpost when I am up for it, but I do not currently have a system for being up for it. I might change the original post to be as-is, and use its ideas for the effortpost. I have found that when it comes to blogging, “rewriting” ends up being so different in tone and vibe and mood from the original, that it can be hard for me to say that the revision is “better” than the original.
But I will leave it for now, because I don’t want to forget that I was inspired to write the longer guide.
But that I wrote something yesterday for the book was just a coincidence. I was chatting with someone, and the topic came up, and so I wrote it up as a blogpost because I didn’t have ideas. Then afterwards I realized it is probably good for the book, with a few additions.
But I didn’t make a plan, after porting everything over into the larger document, for what kind of writing and what kind of energy I want to put into the book, other than I still want to be “touching” it every day (thinking about it like this counts).
I still don’t have a plan.
This might end up being a problem very soon, maybe even as soon as tomorrow!