The Book, From the Beginning, Day 2, The Color System
Yesterday went pretty well. I ended up writing for something like 2 hours! And I did a lot of “editing on the spot.” I was indeed inspired in a new kind of writing.
THE COLOR SYSTEM
The system of the colors! What a wonderful thing, to get to tell you about!
Most relationships, when they are not good, are not good because there is too much lack, rather than too much presence.
Try to remember the most common complaints people say to each other.
“You do not listen to me!”
“I want more affection!”
“You did not celebrate my birthday!”
“You do not respect me!”
“You never want to call me first!”
“You stopped wanting sex with me!”
“You went out with your friends instead of hanging out with me!”
Even complaints that seem to be about too much presence, often are about lack.
For example, “too much mess” means “not enough clean space” in which a person might want to do their activities, such as cooking or their work. “Too much time playing computer games” means “not enough time helping me around the house.”
Even something like “having sex with other people” can become something like “not protecting a sanctity with me.” Often when people want an intimate relationship, they want that relationship to do things in that relationship. It is when they do not get to do things in that relationship that they dream about doing, that they seek out other partnerships.
Take a moment to write out a few “presences” that you have observed that are actually about “lacks” — situations in which “too much” is actually “not enough.”
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The Color system is a way to add more to your relationship. You can choose a color, then choose an activity from that color, add it to your life, and make your life more colorful. You can imagine adding fruits to your plate, or flowers into a bouquet, or whatever metaphor of abundance makes you feel happy. You can think of adding spices to your masala dabba.
The five colors we are working with are green, white, blue, black, and red. These colors have various significance in various traditions. You may notice some of their connotations already. Red is the color of passion. Blue is often used for logic. They are in some ways in opposition. White is the color of stability, healing, heaven. Black is the color of the underworld. They are in some ways in opposition. Green is the color of nature. Green and red are often together, for Christmas. Various myths, stories, and games involve different colors and their meanings.
The colors we are working with, are the colors because of their general universality and familiarity. There is something true about them, as well as something arbitrary.
Below is a diagram of the colors:
What do the colors mean? The colors will be revealed in detail in each section through the exercises, but let’s give you a summary of how we will be using them in this book.
Green - Origin
Green is the color most related to your original nature. It is the color that is related to understanding your ancestors, your roots, going back to the animal world. When you inhabit green, you remember who you are as a mammalian being, and remember your inheritance from all the other mammals that have ever lived. When you interact with other people, you remember that they, too, are creaturely creatures. When you add more green to your life, you are listening more to your true feelings. You connect more with what you actually feel, rather than what you believe you “should” feel. You separate the social stories from your physical sensations, and learn to appreciate your physical sensations as data about your natural state in your environment. You start to understand how people are affected by their environments, and that you, yourself, are part of their environment!
White - Rest
White is the color of peace, and the structure that creates that peace. It is the color of angelic healing. Imagine a well-organized clinic set up by nurses in the middle of a war. The structure and organization allows the soldiers to become well. Each soldier is treated as a life worth saving. The doctors and nurses prepare and resource themselves in order to be able to treat patients. They prepare so that there is enough for tomorrow, and the next day. In the context of relationships, white is your personal style of orderliness, your rituals, and any abstract structures that you have set up to help guide what is happening. It can be considered the “wood” — the tables, the cabinets, the chairs around which other energies can flow. It can include schedules and to-do lists. White should be considered as a structural antidote to certain kinds of hardship, by allowing rest. It is getting to sit by a fire after a day of skiing, rather than being forced to stay outside.
Blue - Orientation
Blue is the color of thinking about the unknown. It is the color of analysis absent direct sensation. It is the color of negotiation, orientation, and direction. Imagine entering a new friend’s house. You have stepped into the foyer. You see the atrium. You see doors, but you do not know what is inside them. The sensation of what is inside is closed off to you. You know that a dog was mentioned, and an iguana. You know there are three children, somewhere. Blue is the color that governs what must be true, what might be true, and what you completely do not know yet. It is the color of seeking to know what you do not know, and to understand through the transfer and triangulation of information. “You know this, I believe this, you have seen this.” It is the color of pure scientific engagement in the social realm, in which information is exhanged through symbols, words, and numbers.
Black - Tradeoffs
Black is the color of tradeoffs. It is understanding opportunity costs, and that every living thing only has a finite time on this earth, before it dies. It is the color of protecting the vulnerable who cannot protect themselves, because they still have an internality that wants to live and does not want to be harmed. It is understanding that some harms are useful harms if they mean progress toward your goals, and therefore they are worthwhile costs to pay for getting what you want. Black is the color that knows it is a cruetly to deny others the opportunities to make choices so they can spend their lives in ways that make sense to them. In understanding that there is death, there is a kindness around the preciousness and possibilities of life, and your power to create the life you want to live.
Red - Experience
Red is the color of experience for its own sake. If a person enjoys most moments of their life, phenomenologically, they would have had an enjoyable life. If a person is unhappy in most moments in their life, phenomenologically, they would have had an unhappy life. Red understands that experience is subjective, and that a bad experience can be turned into a good experience, and a good experience can be turned into a bad experience. Even a perfect day can become a day that is filled with anxiety, due to the mindset. Meanwhile, a bad day can become a good day if the pain becomes interesting, informative, or meaningful in some way. Red is the color that can help a person overcome great pain, because even great pain can become interesting, fascinating, and a sign of intense liveliness.
You can see that the colors are rather complex! However, we can already begin to see some simple geometries around how they can be used.
For example, what happens when a person has “lack” in each of these colors?
When a person lacks green, and is disconnected from their sense of origin, they would have a hard time understanding their own true feelings, and the true feelings of others. Feeling the really deep, spiritual connection would be difficult.
When a person lacks white, and is disconnected from their sense of rest, they would not be pausing and making the time for important conversations, or important repair processes to happen. Damage that an individual or a relationship takes over time would accumulate, without a repair step.
When a person lacks blue, and is disconnected from their sense of orientation, they can be working on incorrect information. More data comes in, and conversations can be happening, but how those conversations build on each other to create a sense of shared reality that can be used for navigating the present and future is not happening.
When a person lacks black, and is disconnected from their sense of tradeoffs, they can start to take various things for granted. They may start to feel angry that they are not already getting what they want and need. They may feel resentful or jealous of others, including loved ones. They forget that their loved ones are also trying to get what they need to survive and make the most of their time on earth.
When a person lacks red and is disconnected from their sense of experience, they may start to have experiences without any guiding arc around the experiences feeling good, and therefore their experiences will feel bad. This person would stop having a compass for making experiences good for themselves and others who are around them.
Harsh consequences! But do not despair. You have already spent a lifetime practicing each of these colors. These colors already have shown up in your family life, in your relational life, in your schooling, and at work.
Now, we can begin the adventure! You can start the book, and go in order. Or, you can flip to a color you are intrigued by, and choose the exercise that seems most fun right this moment. Then spend as much time with the exercise as you would like.
Remember to have fun!