Improve Your ADHD and Your Sex Life With These Six Simple Paragraphs
“I think, if you wrote a book, you fucked up, and it should have been a six-paragraph blog post.” — Sam Bankman-Fried
This is a blog post of six book reviews in the format of six simple paragraphs.
These are some of my favorite books that I reference and buy people all the time. Each of these books is short ( < 300 pages ) and includes many concrete exercises that a person can use to improve both their ADHD and their sex life.
The Lover Within — Julie Henderson
This is the book that taught me sex magic. Have you ever thought that there must be some book somewhere that describes those tantric exercises that people do at those Bali sex retreats? Have you ever wanted to do them at home? Have you never thought much about it? This book teaches you how. It gives you exercises to practice moving your energy within your body, outside of your body, and with another person. It is a step-by-step book so you can start very easy and then add to your skillset. This helps with your ADHD by helping you notice how to dissipate and concentrate energy with more will, by having you practice in a variety of contexts.
After the Honeymoon — Daniel B. Wile
This is the book that taught me how to talk about fantasies. Do you ever have a fight with someone you are about, after talking about something you thought was really fun? Perhaps you started telling them about wanting to go shopping for a cake, or this new place you want to go on vacation to hear your special person speak French, and then you find the conversation going weirdly sour. This book explains what is going on through many wonderful case studies and short examples, so you can read the book a little bit at a time (I read the entire book in pieces on my laptop. This book helps with your ADHD because new language around fantasies and reality, and their connection with each other generally helps with issues of a disordered will.
A Woman’s Guide to Power — Kasia Urbaniak
This is the book that taught me how to think about domination and submission. She describes the ways that these terms usually are not really explained well at all in life, and are used even worse, and then explained why knowing this special information is super useful. I provide a summary of her framework here. This book allows one to sharpen their intentions, to embody their fully dominant self when they intend to, and embody their fully submissive self when they intend to, to fully enjoy both when it is that mode’s time to shine.
Existential Kink — Carolyn Elliott
If you keep being distracted by something you want, that you think you probably shouldn’t want, that you’re ashamed to admit to yourself that you want, then yes you will have a lot of distraction and confusion about going after what you want in a straightforward fashion. Existential Kink shows you exercises to dip your toe into some light shadow work to unearth and get off on the things you keep wanting to get off on, so that you can stop thinking about them and being distracted by them in your unconscious, and spending a ton of your attention managing this entire shame management system. By going through the exercises, you will unlock a lot more energy and power to go after what you truly want.
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem — Nathaniel Branden
Don’t be turned off by the title. Nathaniel Branden is the pioneer of self-esteem before the phrase got weird. He gives you a few self-awareness exercise, that are extremely gentle to do, and that you can do every day in just two minutes every day. These exercises help you pay more attention to your own mind.
Let Your Body Interpret Your Dreams — Eugene Gendlin
A lot of people these days are not particularly interested in looking at their dreams. Perhaps Freud left a bad taste in their mind, or they think that dreams are not particularly important for their waking life, and are something that should be ignored. However, there is a connection between what happens in the sleeping life, and how excited and rejuvenated you feel in your waking life. Most people know this, but would have no idea where to start in doing something like allowing awareness of their dreams and what their dreams are doing to have a more positive effect on them. This very short book is a wonderful place to start.
***Sneak Post-Note! Gendlin also has a wonderful book called Focusing, which has a very nice audiobook, which will also help with your ADHD and sex life!