Let’s say that you believe in something 100000% and you are willing to rope an infinite amount of resources into that thing. Let’s say you also have a philosophy that your [life partner] [best friend] [cofounder] is supposed to be there for you “no matter what.” The chance that this creates massive unsafety is very high. Because in considering that they must be there for you “no matter what,” the chance that you burden them unnecessarily is very very high. The chance that you encourage your person to give more than then have capacity for, and that you will be too focused on your cause and its importance to divert attention to taking care of your person, is very high. They will get hurt very badly and either bail or have a breakdown, or have breakdowns and get taken care of by other people and you either won’t notice how bad it is or you won’t care etc.
Let’s say somebody tells you that certain things will probably be unsafe, and that when certain things happen, here’s a set of instructions for handling it. Perhaps you have your own model of safety, and start preparing for the prerequisites for the instructions to be even necessary to never ever even happen. You get used to the idea of the instructions never being needed, and pride yourself in your ability to create safety around you. Then one day the exact set of things that the notes were for happens. You are flummoxed and confused, “how could this be?” You panic and you improvise and do kind of normal things that someone might do in those situations. Meanwhile the instructions said to basically do the opposite of what one might intuitively guess in a situation like that, but you haven’t bothered to internalize their importance, or noticed how early you have to start them.
Let’s say somebody says “I need to stop” or “I am too tired, I really cannot do this any longer” or something like “I would be able to stretch and do this, but then I really need to rest and can’t do something that strenuous again afterwards.” But you say “I really would you like to do x though” or “Oh please it would really matter to me if you do it.” And then the person is convinced and does it. And you kind of say “yes!” and move on, and don’t really mark how tired the person is. After all if you convinced them, you were kiiindddd of playing a game of seeing how serious they were actually, and if you managed to convince them they probably will be fine, and you probably did your responsibility of checking if they will be fine. Actually no. Probably something bad will happen. They will probably completely fucking crash out because they are exhausted and really did not want to do this and you have no plans for a better thing to be happening for them.
Making people feel so guilty that they feel cornered between exhausting themselves or doing something they cannot handle and are not ready for, and disappointing somebody they are loyal to and really care about
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