Day 25 - An experiment in pleasure of writing, and the forbidden words game
trying to write this blogpost, maximizing JOY
i want to make myself ECSTATIC writing this
i want to feel real ecstasy, the way i enjoy reading certain things, the way i enjoy reading some of my writing, years later
what if i write ecstasy maxxing
what if i set a timer and write in a way to ecstasy maxx
kept thinking today
most of my writing - i want it DONE, i do not want to be doing it
playing guitar, i want to “have been someone who has practiced guitar almost every day for 10 years”
that’s a different feeling. i don’t have a repertoire of songs i want to perform, or have performed
painting? often i like painting. i do not want to be “someone who is painting” or “have painted” a bunch of stuff. i just like painting.
if the writing all is done, what i would do next, is painting. if i were rich i’d spend my money on art classes. there wouldn’t be a point to it. i wouldn’t do it so much my hands hurt, on deadlines, which is the last time i burned out
I got these ideas from Damon Sasi.
He is like so:
He has talked in his excellent writing coaching about, why are you doing the writing? and where is the source of the pleasure? he has a lot to say about his topic and I find it really important to my current stream of development
i had a thought, to be painting more, now, to be having writing be more like painting. but painting is also hard. i don’t know. i should probably be making funny drawings of animals, for this 5-year-old that i know. to delight myself and delight her too.
i bought some acrylic canvas boards on amazon just now
then, in several days, i might just execute on this idea, of drawing her funny little animals
perhaps starting easy, a zebra, in black and white
or a different color. perhaps i will start with black and white to get the hang of it, with the acrylic markers, but then, switch to a more bizarre color
ecstasy about the book
can i channel it
I wrote another note to myself I almost forgot about
i left it on a table, and then almost completely forgot about it, and then i saw it
I love this very much
i am allowing myself to feel a surge of pleasure, thinking about it
this is an advanced discovery, that is so clean, and so simple
suppose your partner is not allowed to swear
or tell you
‘get on your knees’
or tell you
‘get out of that dress, now’
or maybe they can’t say ‘i’m sorry’
or they can’t say ‘you’re my soulmate’ or that anybody is their soulmate. or ‘i love you the most’ or ‘i want to marry you’ or that they want to marry anyone
maybe they can’t say ‘i forgive you’
or ‘i need you to do this’
or ‘i really really want this’
or ‘i’m scared’
maybe it’s emojis. maybe they never send smiley faces or hearts. or maybe they can never send :p because even that tongue is much too vulgar
You can use the words they don’t say to ask them questions about it. pretty basic ones
‘why don’t you say x?’
expect them to babble.
they might have a very clear explanation to themselves. but there will probably be something that doesn’t make sense about it.
‘i want to not swear because i want to be good, because it hurts people needlessly, and i don’t want to hurt people like that when i don’t need to. it’s not necessary.’
and then if you ask them what’s hurtful about swearing, or what is the connection to ‘being good’ they might start to babble a little. they might start speaking in their own internal metaphors.
you want to be kind when this happens. people have areas, like this, in their minds, that are fuzzier. everybody has these in different spaces. you can learn a lot about a person’s world, versus just ‘what is missing from their world’ via this exercise.
forbidden words is also a fun game, to play, with yourself and even more so with a group.
perhaps something like no pronouns, or no vowels, or no ‘letter e’
you have to think more, choose each word more carefully, and feel the contours of your mind moving a lot more
it slows you down in a cool way
Games to attempt
constraint‑based games, the constraint generates the new feelings, including the ecstasy. don’t be afraid of the constraints. don’t overthink the constraints. it won’t be obvious what is most fun for each person
Each person privately writes 3–5 “forbidden phrases” they almost never say (e.g., “I need…”, “I’m angry,” “I love you,” “I’m scared,” swears, emojis). try to go more ballistic about this than usual
Swap lists and interview each other, but you’re only allowed to ask questions using those forbidden phrases. but now make them absurdist, both in and out of their usual context
after the interviews, each person writes a short paragraph or scene capturing possible internal metaphors around that forbidden phrase.
This is basically a relationship‑therapy‑as‑game version of “Taboo” and Oulipian constraint games.
Apparently this is a thing:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oulipo
“Oulipo (French pronunciation: [ulipo], short for French: Ouvroir de littérature potentielle; roughly translated as “workshop of potential literature”, stylized OuLiPo) is a loose gathering of (mainly) French-speaking writers and mathematicians who seek to create works using constrained writing techniques. It was founded in 1960 by Raymond Queneau and François Le Lionnais. Other notable members have included novelists Georges Perec and Italo Calvino, poets Oskar Pastior and Jean Lescure, and poet/mathematician Jacques Roubaud.
The group defines the term littérature potentielle as (rough translation): “the seeking of new structures and patterns which may be used by writers in any way they enjoy”. Queneau described Oulipians as “rats who construct the labyrinth from which they plan to escape.”
For 5–10 minutes, do automatic writing in a shared google doc without using
a specific letter (e, s, etc.), or
pronouns (“I/you/we”), or
emotion words (no “happy/sad/angry/scared,” you have to describe body sensations or images instead).
feel free to set up scenarios (for example you have to write about old college pals at a reunion, and can’t use pronouns or names, to make it harder
One game is just meant to more purely lean into the ecstasy feeling
Set a 10–15 minute timer.
Rules:
pick a word that is your “handle word.” one person’s “gross” can be another person’s pleasure. Exhalted, delicious, cogent, fun, yummy, mmmm, “dang, that’s hot!” — find a handle that actually makes you feel good. maybe it’s when you feel the same feeling as pizza, and so “pizza-feeling” is your handle. or cake or ice cream. take some time to actually choose a real one. you know it’s right when if it’s a feeling you get to feel a lot, that feels good for you. don’t settle for a fake one. Maybe it’s the feeling that song from Interstellar or Inception makes you feel. Maybe it’s the feeling of seeing yourself in that cool suit, or the feeling of your leather bag, or the feel of that cool fountain pen in your hand. You can play with having warm, or hot feelings, and also more cool, more cerebral feelings. But pick something you want more of in your life.
You only write sentences that give you a tiny hit of “oh, that’s Interstellar” or whatever your code word is, as you type them.
If a sentence feels dead on arrival, you delete it or rewrite it immediately.
You don’t worry whether it makes any sense as the paragraph continues. you’re only chasing texture and delight.
Another game involves some drawing
Draw a quick silly animal (snakey-boi, elephant, etc.).
Then write:
5 sentences about that animal as if it’s your lover, or your arch-nemesis you are jealous of
a scene where the animal and a person play the “forbidden words” game (what can’t the elephant say?).
Joy audit
Take one page of your existing book draft, recent blogs, or any recent writing
With a highlighter, or whatever possibilities you have onhand, mark only the lines that still give you genuine pleasure to reread.
Then, free‑write for 5 minutes only imitating those lines’ energy (not content).
“I may only continue in the style of the lines that make me ecstatic.”