Day 11 - New content on Types

So types. Why are they important. Why am I writing about them.

This would probably be for the negotiations section, on complexities of negotiation, or something like that.

Types are important for a few different reason.

First, what do I mean by a type?

One way to know if something is “your type” is if “an objective 5” is an 8 or a 9 for you.

Say you have a certain physique you prefer. Very large breasts for example. A 5, but with very large breasts, will seem like an 8 or a 9 to you.

Meanwhile, an 8 or a 9, but with small breasts, might seem more like a 5 or a 6 to you.

Why does this matter?

If you are dating somebody who is your type, you are more likely to be friendly in negotiations. It doesn’t feel like “negotiation” per se. It feels like getting the cool person of your type who loves you to stick around. You feel very lucky.

If you are dating someone who is not your type, then a lot of people who are your type end up being attractive to you. The “competition” is harder. All those 5s who are your type look really attractive, even if you’d snagged an 8 or a 9.

What is important here also is that your 8 or 9 knows her worth. She or he will know that she or he can do well in the field. therefore they won’t be super giving or forgiving in negotiating. They will want the best they can get. They also want their dream life. And so if you are not doing something for them that they really want, you can expect that they will complain, nag, and not be particularly complacent about either setting boundaries or demanding that they should have that thing, or starting fights.

And then, how motivated you are to be excited to do what they hope you would do under those conditions depends on how into them you are. If you are really really into them you are way more likely to be into doing the things they need you to do for them to stick around. You have a lot of intrinsic motivation.

If you are not super super into them, you start asking questions, like “why are you talking to me like this?” or “do you actually need this?” or “if I’m doing this for you, what do I get in return, given I like the status quo and am not motivated to change?” You might start to think about how your odds in the field to get what you want aren’t that bad. For example, if you liked your girl because she was sweet and lovey, and now she’s naggy, you might know you can try your luck getting someone naggy, but who is also your type.

For these reasons I see it as a major kindness to understand yourself, if you have a type, and not to make promises to people who aren’t your type that you don’t think you would keep. I would not keep somebody ‘around’ if you think they are the best you can do, because you have not found someone of your type who is also within your desired location / sanity level / intelligence level / income level / family structure.

Men and women both date people they like a whole lot, and even love, who are not their “type.” Many of them know they do not have plans for long-term exclusive or singularly focused relationships with these people.